Wow the layout’s changed a lot o_o I could hardly navigate it LOL =P where’s my follower count? Where’s my updates? =S

Moving along though…

I feel like blogging tonight because….. of the few free days I have before stress hits again and also because…. well I’ve been having a shitty week =( Let’s list a few reasons…

• Failed my Jap midterm =( (like UNDER 50% fail!!! X_X), my first ever in uni… like I can’t cry enough
• I killed my arm-skin with my hair clip =S there’s this ugly red mark right across it
• Haven’t been home in 2 weeks now…
• Couldn’t get my midterm for accounting to balance
• Got kicked out of my group for policy class
• Got stuck with a bad group for managerial accounting… I think they think I’m stupid cuz I’m not a double-degree -_-‘
• Still no where to live next term
• Lack of sleep = angry Cherry

And the biggest reason of all, that’s got me blogging again…. is cuz tomorrow’s grad ball! and yay! we all jump and cheer, but no. No. I am not excited. Just no.

Why? ‘cuz I think everyone knows by now how uncomfortable I get when I find out that I’m purposely left out or excluded or just…. cut out from someone’s life…. for lack of a better term, basically when someone doesn’t like me -____-‘

I feel so immature and juvenile complaining and bitching to my diary when I’m like 21 and should know better. Seriously. But I don’t and I feel like I need to rant, so hence, why I’m back on tumblr =S I mean…. ok sure, not everyone’s going to like me or appreciate what I do, or maybe I do things that really piss you off, I probably do that a lot. Then why don’t you tell me wtf is wrong?

I admit, that I’m probably one of the biggest hypocrites when I say this, so I say it with a grain of salt and hopefully people will understand… but considering how close you are with someone, shouldn’t it be alright to either a) put up with them because well… you’re friends or b) tell them what’s wrong and hope they fix it?
I probably fit in with group a).  I rather just put up with it than confront issues, but I don’t think I’ve ever seriously backstabbed someone since gr. 12… =S Ok, maybe I take that back, but I have never seriously cut someone from my life just because of some “reason” that they don’t know of.

I mean, I could have done a ton of things wrong and would never know because you choose to just STOP talking to me and even going out of your way to avoid me? I mean, that’s just like I’m a plague or something -___-’ But I wish they knew that I seriously thought of them as a close/good friend and 2011 is just turning into the year that all the people I thought were “close” and “tight” just drop like flies and leave me “just because”.

I really wish I knew wtf was wrong so I didn’t sound like a broke record repeating the same rants and complaints over and over again.  Sooner or later, I know that this friendship whatever-it-is won’t last because clearly they are putting every effort not to reply to my messages.  So do I confront them?  I admit, in all honesty, I probably won’t. To me… backstabbing me to get rid of me is the lowest way of telling someone “Hey, I don’t like you.”.  So whatever. 

I used to think that I have a good eye for friends…. I have my classmates, my acquaintances and coworkers…. and then I have my friends. Those that I trust won’t judge me (as much >_>) and those that understand where I’m coming from.  Those people that trust me and vice versa… and people I know will be my friends even past this awkward stage of “growing up”.  But I guess that judgment has shot to hell and I think I’m finally beginning to learn from my mistakes.   I don’t want to say I’m wrong in my choice of friends… but at the same time, I’d like to think that those who really want to be there, will make an effort.  And everyone else can go fuck themselves.